Mrs. Ducky
12-11-2005, 12:08 PM
Basically my life if it were a sitcom. Filled with a funny cast of characters. Written by my friend Karli. Includes funny commercials.
THE MOLDY MASSACRE
Weird instrumental music plays as the first frame shows Hannah sitting on a piano.
Zoom in on her face.
Zoom out showing entire cast.
Camera follows the different cast members and pauses a moment to show individual dance/awkwardness:
• Hannah – sittin’ pretty on piano
• Karli - jammin’ out to music with Hannah on piano
• Leah – crazy exotic stripper dance
• Rachel – standing next to Leah having an awkward moment
• Virginia – attempting stage dive off piano but of course is unsuccessful
Next shows only Hannah and her parents
• Dad – yelling to stop chaotic dancing between mother and daughter
• Mom – jammin’ to music with Hannah
Next shows only Hannah
• Hannah – showing flashcards of all friends and people not shown in piano scene
Flashcards:
• The school
• Mean people who don’t like us/ we no likey either
• People who smell but we still talk to ’cause we feel bad
• Guy that Hannah likes
• Teachers including Mr. Schooley (principal)
• The entire group photo
Song abruptly stops; fade out
Act I
Scene I
School bus
Hannah walks onto the bus seeing a sad and scared Karli
Hannah – Hi, Karli. What’s up?
Karli - …….
Hannah – Are you okay, Karli?
Karli - …….
Hannah – You look sick. Are you okay?
Karli – …….
Hannah – Why are you all green?
Karli – (looks at her and scowls)
Hannah – O-kay…
Act I
Scene II
Lockers
Karli puts books away with Hannah who is still confused; Virginia comes
Virginia – So what’s up with you guys? Karli, why do you look so green?* (* = laugh track)
Hannah – Who knows? It’s like she’s taken a vow of silence.
Karli – I’m going to die… (everyone looks at her like she is crazy)
I ate moldy bread.
Virginia - So? You can’t die; I’ve done that lots of times and look how I turned out!*
Hannah – Karli you’re not going to die… (looks at Virginia) or turn out like Virginia.*
Karli – You guys don’t understand…
_~*FlAsHbAcK*~_
Karli – When I was eating the bread I never even noticed that it was moldy. But then after I was done my father tells me that the bread was very old and had mold on it. Well I shrugged it off until we went to the doctor’s later that day for my check up.
Doctor’s Voice – Karli, you’re allergic to penicillin correct?
Karli – I told him yes and noticed that it was MOLD!
End Flashback; Karli is hyperventilating
Hannah – Karli, calm down we won’t let you die. Right, Ginny?
Virginia – Yeah, we’ll protect you or kill those mold things! But just in case you don’t make it, can I have your CDs and stereo?*
Karli breaks out in tears and runs to homeroom as Hannah and Virginia try to catch up on what just happened in silence
Act I
Scene III
Guidance Office
Hannah – (thinking to herself) What can I say to Karli to calm her down about it? She was on edge during gym the entire time…
_~*FlAsHbAcK*~_
Karli is sitting down on bleachers all paranoid; Hannah pokes her arm; Karli freaks*
Hannah – I wonder how she’s doing. Thank God Rachel is there or Leah and Virginia might be having her eat Mold-B-Gone!
Act I
Scene IV
Lunch line
Leah – Karli, just try it! (holds out Mold-B-Gone in front of Karli’s face) Virginia and I stole this from the janitor.
Virginia – The janitor uses it and I haven’t seen any mold in the school; it has to work! Oh, wait there is some underneath the bathroom sink.*
Leah – Don’t forget the stuff on the water fountain!*
Rachel – You can’t give Karli that! You’ll poison her!
Leah – Um, earth to Rachel, Karli is already dieing so if this doesn’t help her, it’s not like it’s changing anything!*
Rachel – It has a skull and crossbones warning on it for God’s sake,* you’ll kill her sooner!
Virginia – Rachel that sign means that if the mold eats it, it will die, not Karli. Karli will be fine; right, Karli? (hits her hard on the back)
Karli – (looks at Rachel) I’m gonna die with these two geniuses as my doctors!*
Scene fades out
Act I
Scene V
Lunch table
Karli left her tray of food at the table to go wish Marah a happy birthday
Leah – Hurry up and put the Mold-B-Gone in her food!
Rachel – You can’t! Stop; she’ll be fine without it.
Virginia – She’ll be dead! I’ll hold Rachel back, Leah. Hurry up and put the stuff in her drink.
While Virginia holds Rachel back, Leah tips the Mold-B-Gone over Karli’s drink; no one notices that it is empty and thinks that the substance was dropped in; Karli comes over just as Leah puts the Mold-B-Gone in her purse
Karli – Well, at least I was able to see Marah turn 15, she looked so happy I didn’t tell her the news. (takes a drink of milk while Virginia and Leah smile)
Rachel – (looking at the two “doctors”) When she dies, you’re to blame. (Quickly leaves to return her tray)
Karli – What did you guys do?!
Virginia and Leah – You’re cured!*
Karli – What?
Virginia – We put the Mold stuff in your drink, so you’re not going to die. Yah, we should be doctors when we get older, Leah!*
Leah – Yes, I think we could help the world!
Virginia – After we become doctors and cure stuff we can solve world hunger!
Leah – The world is hungry! We must save it, don’t worry world we’ll feed you!
Both Virginia and Leah get up with food in hand in attempt to feed the world*; Karli goes up to take up her tray; Rachel comes back and starts cleaning up the mess and putting Leah’s make-up in her purse
Rachel – I cannot believe them! I had better tell Hannah.
Scene fades out
Act I
Scene VI
Hallway
Rachel is running down the hallway after Hannah with Leah’s purse in hand
Rachel – Hannah, Hannah, stop! Please!
Hannah – What’s the matter? Did Virginia and Leah do something to Karli?
Rachel – (pulls Mold-B-Gone out) They poisoned her!
Hannah – I knew they would take this way to far, we gotta get Karli to the nurse!
Janitor walks by and goes into the guidance office yelling
Janitor - Do you want this school dirty! We need more cleaning supplies! I just ran out of mopping solution today and last week I used the last can of Mold-B-Gone, every cleaning bottle is empty in this school! How am I supposed…… (keeps rambling while Hannah and Rachel realize Karli is not poisoned)
Hannah – Lets not tell them anything. It would crush their hearts if we did.
Rachel – Plus would you really like to see Leah and Virginia try and find another way to “cure” Karli.*
Hannah – She might actually be dieing by the time they’re done with her.*
Scene fades out into commercial
Tammy – Hi, Tammy here with great news for you! Do you have no money, no friends, or a horrible house? Do you still live with your parents? Does your mother still dress you? Well, our product that we have here won’t help you at all. Tony is in here today to show you his amazing product, Mama’s boy, so get off your *$$ and try to get a job because us tax payers don’t want to pay for your lousy life to continue! So, Tony, what can you do for these lousy low lives watching today?
Tony – Well, Tammy, I don’t like aliens, do you? I don’t like the squeaky wheel on a shopping cart either so today we have my great best selling book 1,563,892 Things to Say to an Alien or a Squeaky Wheel on a Shopping Cart. This great book tells you not only what to say but also has 3 illustrations I drew myself like…..(screen shows a crude drawing of a stick figure pointing to ET and saying “I don’t like you, Aleean!” Then shows another crude drawing of the same stick figure pointing to a wheel on a shopping cart saying “I don’t like you, squeaky wheel on a shopping cart!”) So if you need 1,563,892 things to tell an alien or a squeaky wheel on a shopping cart that you don’t like just call: 1-800-URS-TUPI
Tammy – Um, why stupi?
Tony – Stupid wouldn’t fit, stupid!
Tony and Tammy laugh and the commercial ends
Voice – And now back to your usual programming!
Act II
Scene I
Mrs. Lucas’s Room
Karli – So they gave me this stuff and I think it worked. Heck, I feel better than when I was healthy!
Hannah – Yep, those two really are miracle workers!*
Mrs. Lucas – Okay, I’m going to pass out kiwi in honor of Jake’s birthday! (under her breath) Why he even brought in kiwi boggles my mind.* Who would like some?
Karli and Hannah both raise their hands and receive a slice
Karli – I really do like kiwi.
Hannah – Ew, it’s all funny.
Karli – You Dumb Dora, you’re not supposed to eat the brown skin!
Hannah – I didn’t eat the brown stuff; I’m not that stupid! I ate the green…OH NO!*
Karli – Just wait! I’ll go and get more of that Mold-B-Gone (runs and fills out her agenda) Don’t worry, Hannah, you won’t die!*
Screen zooms in on Hannah
Hannah – Oh, God not this again!
Scene fades out
Hope you enjoyed! Next episode will be up next week! Don't worry they seem to get better as they go along.
THE MOLDY MASSACRE
Weird instrumental music plays as the first frame shows Hannah sitting on a piano.
Zoom in on her face.
Zoom out showing entire cast.
Camera follows the different cast members and pauses a moment to show individual dance/awkwardness:
• Hannah – sittin’ pretty on piano
• Karli - jammin’ out to music with Hannah on piano
• Leah – crazy exotic stripper dance
• Rachel – standing next to Leah having an awkward moment
• Virginia – attempting stage dive off piano but of course is unsuccessful
Next shows only Hannah and her parents
• Dad – yelling to stop chaotic dancing between mother and daughter
• Mom – jammin’ to music with Hannah
Next shows only Hannah
• Hannah – showing flashcards of all friends and people not shown in piano scene
Flashcards:
• The school
• Mean people who don’t like us/ we no likey either
• People who smell but we still talk to ’cause we feel bad
• Guy that Hannah likes
• Teachers including Mr. Schooley (principal)
• The entire group photo
Song abruptly stops; fade out
Act I
Scene I
School bus
Hannah walks onto the bus seeing a sad and scared Karli
Hannah – Hi, Karli. What’s up?
Karli - …….
Hannah – Are you okay, Karli?
Karli - …….
Hannah – You look sick. Are you okay?
Karli – …….
Hannah – Why are you all green?
Karli – (looks at her and scowls)
Hannah – O-kay…
Act I
Scene II
Lockers
Karli puts books away with Hannah who is still confused; Virginia comes
Virginia – So what’s up with you guys? Karli, why do you look so green?* (* = laugh track)
Hannah – Who knows? It’s like she’s taken a vow of silence.
Karli – I’m going to die… (everyone looks at her like she is crazy)
I ate moldy bread.
Virginia - So? You can’t die; I’ve done that lots of times and look how I turned out!*
Hannah – Karli you’re not going to die… (looks at Virginia) or turn out like Virginia.*
Karli – You guys don’t understand…
_~*FlAsHbAcK*~_
Karli – When I was eating the bread I never even noticed that it was moldy. But then after I was done my father tells me that the bread was very old and had mold on it. Well I shrugged it off until we went to the doctor’s later that day for my check up.
Doctor’s Voice – Karli, you’re allergic to penicillin correct?
Karli – I told him yes and noticed that it was MOLD!
End Flashback; Karli is hyperventilating
Hannah – Karli, calm down we won’t let you die. Right, Ginny?
Virginia – Yeah, we’ll protect you or kill those mold things! But just in case you don’t make it, can I have your CDs and stereo?*
Karli breaks out in tears and runs to homeroom as Hannah and Virginia try to catch up on what just happened in silence
Act I
Scene III
Guidance Office
Hannah – (thinking to herself) What can I say to Karli to calm her down about it? She was on edge during gym the entire time…
_~*FlAsHbAcK*~_
Karli is sitting down on bleachers all paranoid; Hannah pokes her arm; Karli freaks*
Hannah – I wonder how she’s doing. Thank God Rachel is there or Leah and Virginia might be having her eat Mold-B-Gone!
Act I
Scene IV
Lunch line
Leah – Karli, just try it! (holds out Mold-B-Gone in front of Karli’s face) Virginia and I stole this from the janitor.
Virginia – The janitor uses it and I haven’t seen any mold in the school; it has to work! Oh, wait there is some underneath the bathroom sink.*
Leah – Don’t forget the stuff on the water fountain!*
Rachel – You can’t give Karli that! You’ll poison her!
Leah – Um, earth to Rachel, Karli is already dieing so if this doesn’t help her, it’s not like it’s changing anything!*
Rachel – It has a skull and crossbones warning on it for God’s sake,* you’ll kill her sooner!
Virginia – Rachel that sign means that if the mold eats it, it will die, not Karli. Karli will be fine; right, Karli? (hits her hard on the back)
Karli – (looks at Rachel) I’m gonna die with these two geniuses as my doctors!*
Scene fades out
Act I
Scene V
Lunch table
Karli left her tray of food at the table to go wish Marah a happy birthday
Leah – Hurry up and put the Mold-B-Gone in her food!
Rachel – You can’t! Stop; she’ll be fine without it.
Virginia – She’ll be dead! I’ll hold Rachel back, Leah. Hurry up and put the stuff in her drink.
While Virginia holds Rachel back, Leah tips the Mold-B-Gone over Karli’s drink; no one notices that it is empty and thinks that the substance was dropped in; Karli comes over just as Leah puts the Mold-B-Gone in her purse
Karli – Well, at least I was able to see Marah turn 15, she looked so happy I didn’t tell her the news. (takes a drink of milk while Virginia and Leah smile)
Rachel – (looking at the two “doctors”) When she dies, you’re to blame. (Quickly leaves to return her tray)
Karli – What did you guys do?!
Virginia and Leah – You’re cured!*
Karli – What?
Virginia – We put the Mold stuff in your drink, so you’re not going to die. Yah, we should be doctors when we get older, Leah!*
Leah – Yes, I think we could help the world!
Virginia – After we become doctors and cure stuff we can solve world hunger!
Leah – The world is hungry! We must save it, don’t worry world we’ll feed you!
Both Virginia and Leah get up with food in hand in attempt to feed the world*; Karli goes up to take up her tray; Rachel comes back and starts cleaning up the mess and putting Leah’s make-up in her purse
Rachel – I cannot believe them! I had better tell Hannah.
Scene fades out
Act I
Scene VI
Hallway
Rachel is running down the hallway after Hannah with Leah’s purse in hand
Rachel – Hannah, Hannah, stop! Please!
Hannah – What’s the matter? Did Virginia and Leah do something to Karli?
Rachel – (pulls Mold-B-Gone out) They poisoned her!
Hannah – I knew they would take this way to far, we gotta get Karli to the nurse!
Janitor walks by and goes into the guidance office yelling
Janitor - Do you want this school dirty! We need more cleaning supplies! I just ran out of mopping solution today and last week I used the last can of Mold-B-Gone, every cleaning bottle is empty in this school! How am I supposed…… (keeps rambling while Hannah and Rachel realize Karli is not poisoned)
Hannah – Lets not tell them anything. It would crush their hearts if we did.
Rachel – Plus would you really like to see Leah and Virginia try and find another way to “cure” Karli.*
Hannah – She might actually be dieing by the time they’re done with her.*
Scene fades out into commercial
Tammy – Hi, Tammy here with great news for you! Do you have no money, no friends, or a horrible house? Do you still live with your parents? Does your mother still dress you? Well, our product that we have here won’t help you at all. Tony is in here today to show you his amazing product, Mama’s boy, so get off your *$$ and try to get a job because us tax payers don’t want to pay for your lousy life to continue! So, Tony, what can you do for these lousy low lives watching today?
Tony – Well, Tammy, I don’t like aliens, do you? I don’t like the squeaky wheel on a shopping cart either so today we have my great best selling book 1,563,892 Things to Say to an Alien or a Squeaky Wheel on a Shopping Cart. This great book tells you not only what to say but also has 3 illustrations I drew myself like…..(screen shows a crude drawing of a stick figure pointing to ET and saying “I don’t like you, Aleean!” Then shows another crude drawing of the same stick figure pointing to a wheel on a shopping cart saying “I don’t like you, squeaky wheel on a shopping cart!”) So if you need 1,563,892 things to tell an alien or a squeaky wheel on a shopping cart that you don’t like just call: 1-800-URS-TUPI
Tammy – Um, why stupi?
Tony – Stupid wouldn’t fit, stupid!
Tony and Tammy laugh and the commercial ends
Voice – And now back to your usual programming!
Act II
Scene I
Mrs. Lucas’s Room
Karli – So they gave me this stuff and I think it worked. Heck, I feel better than when I was healthy!
Hannah – Yep, those two really are miracle workers!*
Mrs. Lucas – Okay, I’m going to pass out kiwi in honor of Jake’s birthday! (under her breath) Why he even brought in kiwi boggles my mind.* Who would like some?
Karli and Hannah both raise their hands and receive a slice
Karli – I really do like kiwi.
Hannah – Ew, it’s all funny.
Karli – You Dumb Dora, you’re not supposed to eat the brown skin!
Hannah – I didn’t eat the brown stuff; I’m not that stupid! I ate the green…OH NO!*
Karli – Just wait! I’ll go and get more of that Mold-B-Gone (runs and fills out her agenda) Don’t worry, Hannah, you won’t die!*
Screen zooms in on Hannah
Hannah – Oh, God not this again!
Scene fades out
Hope you enjoyed! Next episode will be up next week! Don't worry they seem to get better as they go along.