All Time Favorite Laugh Out Loud Lines!!!

[Jack1000]

Guys,

I have NEVER EVER LAUGHED so hard than the one episode where Edith gets a cake from a bakery on sale and it said "Happy Barmitzvah" on it and Archie gets all upset at Edith because she bought a Jewish cake!!! (So he obviously can't eat it!) and he says, "Look here's Edith, this is a Jewish cake, they give this to Jewish kids after they've been circumsized!!!! LOL!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: and then Meathead comes in and says something like......."Oh!!! Cake!!!!" and than he looks at what's written on it:

"Happy Barmitzvah!" Ummm What does that mean??????

Archie says, "It means Meathead, that some little Jew is still hurting!!!""

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

What is the title of the episode with those lines?

Jack

[TV_Forever]

Well gang...

TWO come to mind here...

One, when Archie locks himself in the cellar after Irene installs a new lock, and Arch gets inhebriated and the repair man who Archie thinks is God comes down the stairs to rescue Archie and he says "Oh, the Jeffersons was right" on bended knee

And in the episode where the bar gets robbed and the robbers have the fellas drop trou...and Edith and Gloria walk in after with all the boys half undressed and Edith starts to re-dress Archie...and he says something like I can do that I KNOW where EVERYTHING goes...

LOL Thanks...

That was FUN...

[Laugh30]

There are alot of laugh out loud lines. Here's one I like.

The episode that introduced Maude. Archie had to sleep on the couch and Maude serenades him in the morning with a song that has the lyrics "Lazy Mary, will you get up."
Maude: "I said get up. Didn't you hear me?"
Archie: "I heard 'ya. So did every moose in Canada."

[treky]

one of my favorite scenes is in the episode where Gloria comes home from the supermarket with that guy carrying her bags who has a learning disability, and he gets upset and runs from the house after overhearing Archie call him a "D-U-M-M-Y". His father comes over & Archie's talking to him about his son "George". Archie asks if anyone else in the family is like that, and his father says "No. In fact, my other son just got his bar license." And Archie says "Oh! Where's he gonna tend bar at?"

Then Archie says "Pardon me for asking, but do you mind telling me how George got that way? I mean, when he was little did someone throw him up on his head and forget to catch him?" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Orville Kruger]

Little Emmanuel: Archie, por favor?

Archie: Yeah, pour some more.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[GeorgiaboyJeff!]

Lol, The episode Gloria & Mike were seperated in California & Edith&Archie came to visit them. Gloria admits to Archie that she was seeing a guy named Bud Kreguer. I thought this scene was so funny because the name was so funny & Archie kept saying Bud Kreguer all retarded like.

The ep where Edith has Menopause. The way she was acting was funny & I died laughing when she told Archie to Stifle!

[greatlife]

(Wedding flashback)
Meathead: "I'm an agnostic"
Edith: "...does that mean you want a Rabbi?"
Archie: "I think it's worse than that, Edith! I think it means he can't have kids!!"
____________________

(Insurance is canceled)
Archie to Edith's nephew Wendall: "Now Wendall, give it to me straight or I punch you in the head!"
__________________

Archie: "Who the Hell is 'Little Stanislaus?!"
__________________

Edith: "What's the 'Old schmear', Archie?"
__________________

Father Majeski: "Archie, if the ignorant were blessed, you'd be a saint"
__________________
Edith's PMS problem...
Meathead: "So what did the Doctor say?"
Archie: "He prescribed these here pills for the nervous types"
Meathead: (oh good)
Archie: "Says I gotta take two of these two times a day."

[APPLEI]

edith talking about the way archie kisses
"archies not a smoocher,he's a PECKER"
the studio audience erupts in laughter

[Eidolon]

Menopause was a great episode and the introduction of Maude was hilarious but my favorite was when Archie was going to be interveiwed on TV and his subject was hy-jacking.. His solution to the problem was not useable but funny, none the less...... " What ya do is arm all the passenger with guns and then when they all get off, take the guns all back." The way he had his hair all slicked and the serious look on his face, believeing his idea was sensible, was funnier than the line...The expression on Mike's face was priceless...

[Tweety]

The Sammy Davis Jr episode was FULL of LOL lines... that's still the funniest AITF episode ever imo...

I also loved the episode when Archie is in the hospital with a bad back, and he can't see his black roommate, the French guy, Jean Duval, whom Archie assumes is white, because Duval speaks with a heavy French accent...

When Lionel and Mrs. Jefferson come to visit Archie, they walk past Duval's bed & start talking to Archie...and then Duval says, "Archie, aren't you going to introduce me to your family?" Great stuff!!

Then Later...

Archie, to Duval: You didn't tell me you was black!
Duval: You didn't tell me YOU was WHITE!
Archie: A white guy don't have to go around telling everybody he's white...

Another great line from that episode is when Archie, in the middle of having a nice conversation with Duval, says "You, Johnny, are my kind of people".

I think my # 3 episode is the one in which they play that "with it/cop out" game and Mike throws a temper tantrum when he thinks everyone is ganging up on him....